Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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