last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
