i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
