We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
