No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
