we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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