im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
