the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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