im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
