he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize