I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
