i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
whose parrot is this?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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