I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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