You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
