Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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