did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me