do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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