Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords

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  (734): she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords http://tfl.nu/o43m
  Replies (2) Good night (1483) Bad night (697)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.

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  (503): I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any. http://tfl.nu/5jsz
  Replies (1) Good night (680) Bad night (2310)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip

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  (256): I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip http://tfl.nu/ulnl
  Replies (26) Good night (1237) Bad night (5874)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.

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  (402): Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard. http://tfl.nu/co7z
  Replies (31) Good night (7057) Bad night (1104)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

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  (443): i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single? http://tfl.nu/navn
  Replies (35) Good night (7028) Bad night (1485)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem

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  (804): third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem http://tfl.nu/lhco
  Replies (25) Good night (5722) Bad night (2430)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  you are both the best and worst wingman ever.

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  (204): I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?" (1-204): you are both the best and worst wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/2hl0
  Replies (17) Good night (7369) Bad night (1352)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure

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  (813): If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure http://tfl.nu/itoo
  Replies (6) Good night (4003) Bad night (1147)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now

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  (406): let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now http://tfl.nu/70jp
  Replies (2) Good night (2914) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.

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  (518): You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused. http://tfl.nu/8r68
  Replies (2) Good night (3909) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (61): View more from Australia

  Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.

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  (61): Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above. http://tfl.nu/o1v2
  Replies (5) Good night (939) Bad night (2355)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills

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  (704): I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills http://tfl.nu/vb73
  Replies (10) Good night (2010) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town

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  (905): To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town http://tfl.nu/jicp
  Replies (3) Good night (647) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey

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  (262): Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey http://tfl.nu/zpaw
  Replies (1) Good night (810) Bad night (485)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!

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  (765): You made out with both twins? Ten points to you! http://tfl.nu/66hj
  Replies (3) Good night (738) Bad night (199)

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