Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.

(818): View more from California

Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.

(818): View more from California

And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.

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(818): Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week. (818): Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks. (818): And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it. http://tfl.nu/ncbc

Replies (14) Good night (3477) Bad night (660)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?

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(734): Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits? http://tfl.nu/qmc8

Replies (55) Good night (5010) Bad night (1832)
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(734): View more from Michigan

I wish I had a frozen water bed.

(253): View more from Washington

best. idea. ever.

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(734): I wish I had a frozen water bed. (253): best. idea. ever. http://tfl.nu/r1w7

Replies (58) Good night (5856) Bad night (2124)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America

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(330): I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America http://tfl.nu/nfrq

Replies (24) Good night (6830) Bad night (1081)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?

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(609): Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace? http://tfl.nu/pga4

Replies (9) Good night (2108) Bad night (842)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.

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(302): Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit. http://tfl.nu/yb12

Replies (27) Good night (4546) Bad night (1206)
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(707): View more from California

Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.

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(707): Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life. http://tfl.nu/o39j

Replies (6) Good night (1409) Bad night (489)
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(714): View more from California

you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"

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(714): you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle" http://tfl.nu/ec60

Replies (4) Good night (1990) Bad night (614)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.

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(919): being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her. http://tfl.nu/7get

Replies (13) Good night (1983) Bad night (562)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room

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(513): Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room http://tfl.nu/wjdc

Replies (4) Good night (1201) Bad night (460)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...

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(859): I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud... http://tfl.nu/ip6k

Replies (2) Good night (358) Bad night (612)
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(214): View more from Texas

Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer

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(214): Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer http://tfl.nu/w9ex

Replies (3) Good night (568) Bad night (493)
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(+33): View more from France

He asked me how france is treating me

(312): View more from Illinois

Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away

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(+33): He asked me how france is treating me (312): Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away http://tfl.nu/omtr

Replies (9) Good night (859) Bad night (328)
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(310): View more from California

So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..

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(310): So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me.. http://tfl.nu/vhak

Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (365)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.

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(989): I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up. http://tfl.nu/5evh

Replies (2) Good night (529) Bad night (228)

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