I've blown a few things in my day
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend