Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
