I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.