lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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