yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
