Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
