Pappa wants mamma naked
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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