she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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