i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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