My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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