im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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