You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
