Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Is it because I queefed?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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