are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
