Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize