omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
