If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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