i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
