you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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