I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
