Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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