Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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