This is not my ceiling
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
