they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
