haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
