I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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