i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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