I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
