Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
