I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're a waste of cheezeits
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
