I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
