The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
