That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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