Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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