i wish peter jackson would direct porn
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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