This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
