someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
