i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
