walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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