Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
