Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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