He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
