Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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