I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
