this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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