I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This is my gift to your gina
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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