Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
