Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
