Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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