i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
