my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
