Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
