she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
