This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Who died my cat blue again?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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