oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
