2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
