i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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