She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i now understand why vodka
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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