Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
