i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
