I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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