my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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