Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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