people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
