I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
