we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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